Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: etcetera, Suckage, Thoughts, Work Experience
No me gusta giorno tre. I’m so tired.. Like, i’ve never felt this physically tired before, but I can’t sleep at all. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as I crawl into bed I can’t stop thinking about stuff. Not even worrying about stuff, really. Just complete obscure thoughts. Like last night, it was nearing one in the morning, I heard these screams. At first I thought I was just hearing things, but they got louder and louder. And it sounded like a woman was being beaten or something. So after about ten minutes I opened my window and peered out.. I could still hear the screaming, but I couldn’t see anything. Then there was this massive thud, and there weren’t anymore screams. I was like, petrified at this point.. probably due to lack of sleep, and maybe because I watched that documentry on knife crime and youth gang culture in the UK. I went to bed, like thinking what would happen if someone got murdered just across the street and I kept playing it over and over until about six. Mother convenietly got up at this time, and I asked if she heard anything weird at about half twelve last night. ‘Seriously, if next door don’t shut that bastarding dog up.. -proceeds to rant about how little sleep she got-’. I don’t know.. It must be that book i’m reading or something. But yeah, work experience was a bit stressful today. Just wanted to go home and sleep. Started at 10:30, just prepared stuff ready for the nights lessons and tomorrows lessons. Went home, tried to sleep but failed miserably and went for a run instead. (Which makes no sense really, and is probably the reason i’m tired). Went back and taught from four until seven. Was a bit dull really.
I found loads of old photographs from when I was little too. I found the loveliest one of my brother and me, and then one of the family, including Dad. There were a couple that stood out, like one from when we did the Nativity and my brother was Joseph and he had to ride a donkey to church. Heheh. And one where I had my little toy hoover, I guess I had OCD back then too.
Two tickets torn in half, and a lot of nothing to do.
Do you miss me, miss misery, like you say you do?
I haven’t heard from Sarah much recently either, I hope she’s okay. Just two days to go – I’m more than half way. Tomorrow I don’t have to start until four thirty/fiveish, so I think i’m going to sleep in and then go for a run.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: etcetera, Feelings, Thoughts, Work Experience
And Rob says you love, love, love and then you die,
I’ve watched him while sleeping and seen him crying with closed eyes.
And you’re not happy but you’re funny, and I’m tripping over my joy.
But I just keep on getting up again.
I have a funny feeling I need to start listening to some happier songs before I end up doing myself in. Just as just comes on. Día dos has been good. Only three days and four nights to go until Friday. It isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Although, i’m in one of those states where I don’t know how I feel. Which sounds odd, I know. But I can’t really put a finger on it. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. I still have that incomplete feeling, but I don’t feel as bad about it anymore. It’ll be gone soon. It’s just a week. MT really winds you up sometimes. It’s okay.
What else? Oh, yes. Work Experience. It was definetly an experience. The first person I taught was a kid of about thirteen. And she was a bit different. She wanted to learn how to play Bring Me The Horizon. Not being the most ‘down wiv da youuuttth’ of people, I looked them up. I knew a lot of the goffs listen to them.. So me and Lynn went of their website to see the kind of stuff they play. Expecting something like Cradle Of Filth, we were greeted by a sound that can only be compared to a pig being slaughtered in a brothel. It was terrible. We couldn’t tab it, (mainly because it isn’t music- it’s noise!) and she had never heard of Oasis.. After trailling about looking for something to play, we ended up playing Death Cab. A big contrast between ‘rawrghhh’ and the soppy romanticness of Death Cab. Then we went down south, where I gigged. It was one of the best days ever. Met some new people – James and Lee. They are the coolest people ever. James is sixteen and Lee is only fourteen, but they’re seriously the coolest people i’ve ever met. We went on the beach, and made this massive sandcastle. It was the uber sandcastle. Lynn took a photo of it which i’ll probably post tomorrow. We found some crabs.. Not the ‘no-no’ kind as Lee calls them, but the little red scuttling ones. We put them on either side to guard it. They both go to an Academy though, which sucks a bit because it’s all the way in Arnold, I think. But i’ve got James’ number so hopefully we’ll be able to jam again soon.
Tomorrow i’m teaching all day. I’m in from 10 – 11:30 preparing, and then i’m there from 3:30 until 7:30 actually teaching. It should be good. So long as there is no more ‘ripping out of entrails’ music.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Hurry-up-tomorrowness, Music, Suckage, Thoughts
Jour Un -
It hasn’t been amazingly bad. It was le crap this morning, and I haven’t been able to get this hollow, rumbley feeling out of my tummy all day. That’ll go with time though. It was le crap this morning because I overslept and didn’t have time to finish cleaning all of my room. (Which is what I do when my usual routine stops, panic and clean everything around me.. Represents a fresh start. Or perhaps the onset of OCD.)
So yeah. I tidied obsessively, read for a bit and listened to music. Napped, due to said cleaning and lack of energy. I think this massive pidgeon is sleeping in the top of my window. He gets up really early in a morning and tweets really loudly through my window. Then I wake up, go see what all the commotion is about and he flies off to the tree among the other birds and tries to act natural. As if I don’t know it’s him. I have a big, big urge to watch Narnia. I don’t know if you have to have watched the first one to get Caspian. (…)
Tomorrow is the beginning of work experience. Peter has to go to hospital so i’m going from three thirty until seven rather than ten ’till twelve. Which is good, because I don’t do mornings at the moment and I fancy going for a really long run in the afternoon.
When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend, get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations..
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Five nights to go. J’ai un rhume..
I’m sorry that it has been a while. I’ve neglected this a bit lately. So recently, i’ve gotten in touch with my inner goth past. I met up with Oliver and Josh, my two closest friends from Holgate, and introduced them to Sarah. It was an experience. At first it was a little awkward, because I always considered Holgate to be seperate from Ashfield. Mainly because i’ve changed so much, but it was fun. Especially nice to catch up with them.
Sarah goes away for a week tomorrow. Eeek. I won’t go much into that though, because i’m feeling rather sentimental at the moment. ‘Fragile’ as my Mother likes to put it. Speaking of which,
:’]]]
Anyway, I will start updating more frequently. For now I think it’s time for bed.
It’s my new guilty pleasure.. It’s just so catchy.
Anyway, I have decided to start my music libarary all over again. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but I deleted all of my libary so I can get some more tunes. I didn’t really listen to most of it, and having OCD when it comes to the organisation of music.. I’ve chosen to restart. So if any of you (the six people that routinely vist, that are probably all Jon) have any suggestions on any bands or whatever?
I’m kind of in love with the new Coldplay album. Some of it, like Lovers in Japan/Reign of love, sounds very Arcade Fire-esque. Which adds up because apparently Chris Martin went to go and see them a lot last year.. How cool would it have been if he would of been there when we all went.
Sorry it’s such a slow post, I had loads to write earlier but it has all kind of slipped. Maybe i’ll edit later.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Life, Love, Meaning, Poetry, Show, Thoughts, Tuneage, Youth Arts
you-ology, me-ology, love-ology, kiss-ology, stay-ology, please-ology..
Yesterday was the variety show. It went a lot better than expected, and even the parts which didn’t go well were good. Designed the display, which took forever to make and put up, hardly anyone saw it which sucked. Had a massive battle with Photoshop in the Art rooms, but the most important thing was the amount of money we raised for charity. We’ll find out final figures on Monday, but I imagine it is around the £500 mark as before it even started we had £300.
I’m thinking about taking the Gold Youth Arts award next year. It’s a year early and equivalent to an A-level, i’m just not sure that i’m ready for it. I said that I didn’t want anything to stressing because i’ve got my exams next year, but it’s stretched across two years to reduce the workload, I suppose. I’ve also got to choose an area that i’m not familiar with. I could do dance, or dramatic theatre to completely tip the scales. Or I could do something more artistic like fine art or something in the visual arts. It’d get me into a decent University, especially if I ended up taking Philosophy and Ethics, Psychology and English Language & Lit. It’d mean I wouldn’t have to take something like Music because it’d be covered in my award. So then i’d have Arts, English, Science and Religious studies.
Love is so fickle, it’s starts with a flood and ends in a trickle..
I learned a very good lesson yesterday. In English we were talking about a poem called ‘Love After Love’ by Derek Walcott. Bell talked about being in a relationship for a long time, and how you forget yourself because you lose yourself in love. She went on to say that love will come and love will go, but you live and die in your own arms. And I think that one line has totally changed my way of thinking. It hit hard. At first I thought that she was just cynical and pessimistic. That love possibly, if you found the right person could last ‘forever’. But then, you think of yourself as nieve. I mean, i’ve only been in love once.. But i’ve been in a long term relationship twice. The thing is, your idea of ‘true love’ changes to fit around the person you are with. I always thought I was in love with the first person I got with, that we would last forever. We broke up, however, and a year later I found someone else and they totally changed my perception of love and it made me think I wasn’t so in love with the first person after all. So really, I think it’s about rediscovering yourself after a relationship has ended. I’ll post the poem so you can come up with your own conclusions.
Love After Love – Derek Walcott
I’m also a little in love with Tyler Burkum at the moment.. For now though, I need to finish my coursework. Happy tuneage.
Today has kind of sucked. Ironically, I woke up in a really good mood. But lets not dwell on that, or the fact that I still have a zillion and one things to do before the end of the year, which is taking it’s time in approaching.. twenty five days until work experience, which leads to another thirty two days before the year is out. Which means, if I was American, i’d be entering Tenth Grade – Year Eleven. I still need to choose a twilight yet, and i’m not riding a bike for a GCSE. I think i’ll jump off that bridge when I come to it.
Summer soon though. I don’t know whether to be excited or petrified to be honest. I like to be out, I just think that six weeks in an incredibly long time. Plus, everything tends to change. The people you hang out with, your schedule.. You discover the people that you take a liking to, that you don’t really spend enough time with, kind of disappear. Anyway, Today I watched some friends jam. It was cool, nice to get away from the people I usually stay with for a change. Even if they were playing MCR. 
I’ve got Landlocked Blues in my head. For some reason, it makes me want to write or paint. Start a creative endeavor. I never finish anything that I start though. I hate change, but whenever I start anything and it goes wrong I have to start again from the beginning. I need to start prioritising, realising what means the most to me.. Making sacrifices and whatnot. I guess I mainly need to start stop being so passive about everything and start accepting that things are veering off track a bit. A lot. Maybe try and get them on track, or start again. I imagine in ten years time, things won’t be like this. I don’t know, but through what people older than me have said, it seems like they forget all about secondary school. It’s just school, college, uni and then work. People come and go, I suppose. Sometimes I wish everything was motionless though, that things could stop. Because when you stop, things keep moving. I know, i’m being vague. /Inspirational speech
Anyway, my head is having a nasty little war with the rest of my body and I could really do with going to bed soon. I just hope this coffee can keep me awake for another few hours so I can finish this coursework.
